Something that may become a bit of a tradition around my home is perhaps the most moronic of party games; Pocket Bike Drag Racing. It’s a really simple sport, you need a pocket bike, a drag strip, some improvised safety equipment, and a handful of foolish drivers.
This year at the inaugural event we fought various breakdowns, crashes, and cold weather to make 4 somewhat clean passes.
The setup was pretty good, I had rules drafted, an outdoor heater to combat the -16*C temperatures, and a darkened, ice-covered 150 meter drag strip. The rules of the event were posted on this whiteboard for any authorities that may happen to drop in as proof of what a legit series we were running.
For the record the rules were as follows:
- Fastest ET (Elapsed Time) Wins
- A crash is a DNF
- Run Whatca Brung!
- No BS, NOS, (Full Throttles are OK!) or Slicks!
Race Conduct:
- Drive to Start Line, (This counts as your familiarization portion) Raise Hand when staged.
- Starter will drop hands “Pinks” Style
- GO! – (stupid)
- Race ends at line.
Winner gets a Trofey!
Since not everyone has a junker Chinese pocket Bike lying around we elected to use mine. This pristine, low-mileage example has seen some hard use at the hands of various riders and generally will keep on ticking.
This brought the race down to two basic items, who could manage to hold the throttle open the longest, and who was the least fat, or so we thought. The first part was made fairly tricky due to the icy conditions found in my back alley *ahem* track, and the unforeseen added an unusual challenge.
During the test & tune sessions the pocket bike performed very well, but after extended periods of idling the little 49cc 2-stroke began to grow impatient.
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| Racers waiting for their turn. |
First off we gave Hotwheels the buzzing deathtrap and he blistered across the line with an amazing run; however the timing device failed due to the cold and he had to run again. This time the reed type carburetor was having fits and he limped it through the traps with a 35.0 second pass and average speed of 15.44 km/h.
Next up was A_Gorman, our resident Pocket Bike Noob, who continually tossed the chain, stalled out, or ate snow trying to bust a sweet drift on his starting run. After 6 failed attempts, was relegated to the back of the running order before he smashed the bike completely.
At this time the girls became bored with the repair sessions and retired from the event for refreshments indoors, leaving us to hoon about in the cold.
Following the haphazard hijinks of Gorman, Landyacht made his attempts, dealing with a stall-out just off the line, he managed a quick re-stage but was hampered by frosted over eyewear. Boldly completing the run as a near-blind man Landyacht racked up a 31.5 second pass at 17.14 km/h.
I hopped on and clicked off a Stig-esque exhibition run, having the most ride-time it would be unfitting for me to win my own event, so before setting off I agreed that my time wouldn’t count in the competition.
My pass was easy, once I found the sweet-spot in the throttle to keep the ripping 1 cylinder from flooding out. A better cold weather tune-up would certainly have helped all racers, but my front tire hit the traps with a 24.0 second pass and 22.5 km/h average.
Finally it came time to give Captain smash-the-bike his retry, for the hell of it I told him about the throttle secret and wanted to see what he could do. A_Gorman made a nearly flawless pass of 25.5 seconds which netted a 21.17 km/h speed average. This final run netted Gorman the victory and seen him awarded the sweet trophy.
Hotwheels has sworn to take the next event, as his untimed pass would have made Gorman look like he was sitting still. Stay tuned as the next special event will likely occur Canada Day, by which time I will have found some more junk to fashion into a trophy.
Final standings of the 150m New Years Drag Race 2010:
- Darren5.0L - 24.0 seconds at 22.50 km/h
- A_Gorman – 25.5 seconds at 21.17 km/h
- Landyacht – 31.5 seconds at 17.14 km/h (Blind)
- Hotwheels – 35.0 seconds at 15.44 km/h (Hard Luck Award)
